meh…

meh…

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just thought I’d share my ‘meh’ day today. quick and simple.

as my regular readers know I’ve had back problems that caused me to be hospitalized and I’m now on the long road to rehab.

now I have a ‘hooray’ moment – I’ve been accepted into the pain clinic officially. and seriously, honestly and truly I am so thankful for this and so very committed to learning, changing and getting control of my pain.

but…

here comes my selfish ‘meh’ moment. after two separate appointments at an hour each, plus another three earlier this week, I’m kinda fresh out of ‘yee ha’ and now into ‘meh’ mode.

I’ve got to commit two afternoons and six hours a week to this. my ‘meh’ isn’t because I’m being selfish about my time, it’s more about the fact that I’ve now got to find somebody to look after Miss E for six hours a week (that’s a fair bit to put on a 15-mth old, as well as the carer/s) and I’ve got to find somebody to pick up The Boy after school. I’ve also got to fit this around my life and it’s not just the hours it’s also the brain hours and body hours that I’ll be suffering with…

meh…

I’m just tired thinking about it already.

but, my friends, as you know my back is super-bad and my pain (as you may not know) is pretty much constant to the point where I’m currently on a fair bit of rather serious medication and I have a hydrotherapy and a Pilates session already each week.

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argghhhhh… this is usually where the anxiety kicks in and I have a mild breakdown. I’ve already pretty much withdrawn from all social and not-really social but necessary for community-life currently because I just cannot do that along with constant pain.

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Plus looking after husband and children, plus putting my health first, plus keeping food on the table the house reasonably clean (that actually does make me crazy!), plus organising my husbands 40th birthday, having his relatives come to stay from interstate, add to that this blog (which keeps me sane because I adore it), and what I consider my ‘real work’, Mrs Jones & Me, which really does keep me sane and gives me contact with other women who are trying to do it all and run a creative business at the same time.

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I’m kinda unsure how I’m going to honestly continue to share ‘slowing down life’ tips with you while things are at this pace because I’m hardly doing that, am I?

But you know what… I’m gonna take few deep breaths, have a line of Cadbury Top Deck (my fave!) and find a way to fit everything in without having a total breakdown. I think…

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Whew!

I feel better after venting.

Apologies about that…

Love to you all and stay tuned to see how I fit it all in…

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Love Mrs Jones x

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Do Me A Favour…

Do Me A Favour…

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Hello Friends,

Today was a strange day because I had to go to my grandfathers house and grab some of the things I wanted to keep before his house is sold. You see, he went into a nursing home a few months ago and it’s now time to sell his place. Grandma died a few years back and there was still a bit of her stuff there too.

It was a really weird feeling walking around his home, the home where he and Grandma had lived for over 20 years. It still smells the same and looks just as it did when he was there, but he wasn’t and he’s not going to live there again, so practicalities must take over and that’s why I was there.

It struck me, as I looked at his qualifications on the walls of his study, at his guitar in the corner, at the family photographs on every surface; that at the end of your life there is only a handful of ‘stuff’ to show that you were actually here. And unless you’re in people’s hearts and minds, there really isn’t much left at all…

And it got me thinking that life is incredibly short.

So quick.

So brief and you’d better make the most of it. You’d really better be you, truly and honestly you and not live somebody else’s life because all that will be left will be a handful of stuff that really wasn’t you anyhow.

So friends, I ask you to do this for me. Take stock. Just do a quick little inventory now. No matter how sucky, low long, how frustrating or how generally crappy your day has been today, please, just take a few minutes to think about this and do something for me now. First.

Take three slow, deep breaths. Take a look around you. Are you happy? Are you comfortable in your life. Happy with the person you show to the world? Are you being you?

The awesome, loving, kind, wonderful you.

You.

Just you.

Or are you unhappy. Are you feeling that life is sucking the fun and kindness out of you?

Take a moment. Take a moment to remember who you used to be when you were at your happiest. Perhaps it was only this morning before you made the lunches, the beds, did three loads of washing, made dinner, listened to the complaints, the whinging, put everyone to bed and it’s just now you’re finding a few minutes for a cuppa or a glass of wine. Then you can relax. Relax and find you. The happy person, the person who isn’t overwhelmed with life and it’s demands.

Perhaps it was a few years back, when you were happy. Maybe life has been crushing you slowly. Bills. Work. Negative people. Unhappy people. Mean, nasty people.

Perhaps you can’t even remember how long ago that it was when you were truly happy. Perhaps you’ve been eating too much. Maybe you just can’t find the energy to go for that run or walk you keep promising yourself you’ll find time for. Perhaps you’ve been controlling everything around you to try and find something you can grab onto.

Maybe you’re living with somebody who makes you feel small. Feel afraid. Feel worthless. Maybe you’re trying to escape, but you can’t because it’s all too overwhelming. Or you’re afraid for your life.

Well friends, today is it.

Honestly, today is the day.

There really mightn’t be another and do you really want all that you are, all that you’ve been to just be a pile of stuff that people will remember you by?

Think back to the feeling you used to get as a kid.

Remember how it felt to walk barefoot on the grass.

How it felt to have no responsibilities except for playing with friends and laughing. Having fun. Being you. That awesome, wonderful, gorgeous, happy, kind, loving you.

The you at your ‘you-est’.

Well the time has come to remember that kid.

Remember who you were and who you wanted to be; and who you actually still are inside and who you WILL show the world that you are again.

Stop the madness.

Get off the wheel.

Stop playing games and get real.

Stop the worrying. Stop the excuses. Now…

Make a change. A little one. A big one. Anything. Just do something to find that perfect person you feel is in the shadows and be that kid again.

Don’t waste another day letting others control you.

No longer will you let others control your destiny or make you feel that you can’t be you.

Do me a favour and just be you.

You’re good enough.

In fact you’re probably much more awesome than you’ve ever realised!

And whenever you start to forget who you are, remember walking barefoot in the grass; the smell, the cool feeling between your toes and how light and free you were. That kid is still there.

Be that person.

Be awesome and be you.

Always.

Love to you all

Mrs Jones x